{"id":49,"date":"2026-03-04T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-03-04T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shop.serenabright.com\/a-narcisztikus-no-a-tabu\/"},"modified":"2026-06-10T17:02:13","modified_gmt":"2026-06-10T15:02:13","slug":"the-narcissist-and-the-taboo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shop.serenabright.com\/en\/a-narcisztikus-no-a-tabu\/","title":{"rendered":"The narcissistic woman \u2013 the taboo no one wants to talk about"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"sb-post-lead wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Because \u201eA mother can\u2019t be like that\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is the biggest obstacle to recognising a narcissistic woman: society refuses to believe that she exists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Mothers are caring. Women are empathetic. Female aggression takes the form of \u201egossip\u201d or \u201ejealousy\u201d \u2013 which, in itself, does not constitute serious abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is this blind spot that makes a narcissistic woman particularly dangerous. Because her victims \u2013 partners, children \u2013 receive no help. Nobody believes them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Characteristics of a narcissistic woman<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Female narcissism is more often covert than overt. This is partly due to social factors: overtly dominant, self-centred behaviour is \u201epunished\u201d more severely in women. Consequently, narcissistic women learn to conceal their true nature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The most common symptoms are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. Emotional manipulation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A narcissistic woman makes you feel guilty. She takes offence at everything and withdraws emotionally. She often punishes with silence. She doesn\u2019t say what she wants, only that \u201eIf you loved me, you\u2019d know what I want\u201d. She manipulates with tears and sighs, constantly maintaining her role as the victim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Relational aggression<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She\u2019s constantly spreading rumours, damaging the reputation of her partner and her children. And that of everyone around them. Whether it\u2019s a friend, a colleague or a neighbour, they\u2019re sure to say something \u2013 even if it\u2019s a distortion of the truth \u2013 that casts the other person in a negative light. They exclude and isolate you, and \u201eaccidentally\u201d forget to mention important things that affect you. They manipulate your relationships and create love triangles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. Competing with other women \u2013 and her own daughter<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She is jealous of younger, more beautiful and more successful women, and sees her own daughter as a rival. Whatever her child achieves, the narcissistic mother may well boast about it to others \u2013 adding that it wouldn\u2019t have been possible without her \u2013 but she does not celebrate it sincerely, only in a showy manner at best. If the child achieves even minor successes, she undermines them, because they do not serve to enhance her own prestige. She interferes in the child\u2019s relationships and, in many cases, humiliates them in front of others in a \u201ehumorous\u201d manner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. Maintaining the image of the \u201eperfect mother\/wife\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Of course, on the outside they are caring, loving and self-sacrificing. But at home they are cold, critical and controlling. Appearances are always more important than reality. What others think matters more than what those closest to them are actually going through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The narcissistic mother<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A narcissistic mother is a child\u2019s greatest tragedy. Why? Because the child has no one to turn to. The father often fails to see it, as he is preoccupied with his own wounds. The outside world doesn\u2019t believe it. And the child is too young to understand what is happening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How does a narcissistic mother behave?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>The child is an extension of him.<\/strong> The child is not a person in their own right, but \u201etheir child\u201d. Not in a positive sense. The child is a reflection of them. The child\u2019s success is their success. The child\u2019s failure is their shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>She\u2019s competing with her child:<\/strong> With her daughter, it\u2019s about beauty, success and relationships. With her son, it\u2019s also about success, his partner\u2019s attention and control. The point is that the child must not receive more attention than she does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>It makes you feel guilty.<\/strong> She makes the child believe that she does everything for them, that she suffers solely so that the child can thrive, and that if the child disobeys or fails, they will ruin their mother\u2019s life. The child is forever \u201eindebted\u201d to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Emotionally unavailable:<\/strong> She ignores the child\u2019s feelings, yet the child is often her \u201etherapist\u201d. The child\u2019s needs are always secondary; they must be adapted to the mother\u2019s needs and whims.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Conditional love:<\/strong> If the child performs well, they can be kind. But if the child doesn\u2019t perform well, they lose their temper, withdraw emotionally, and punish the child with silence and coldness. This teaches the child that love is always conditional \u2013 conditional on their own terms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The narcissistic wife\/partner<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How does it behave?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The beginning of the relationship is characterised by intense \u201elove\u201d and the feeling of \u201eI\u2019ve finally found my soulmate\u201d. She commits herself quickly and entices her partner to do the same. She is irresistible; the man often feels like a \u201esaviour\u201d \u2013 the man on whom the WOMAN relies. And at such times, the narcissistic woman can indeed be a devoted source of support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Once the relationship has become committed (often following marriage or the birth of their first child), she begins to criticise her partner, his appearance, his family and his work. She takes control of the household finances (even if only the man is the breadwinner), their social life and her partner\u2019s time. She is jealous of every woman, friends and family members; she often loses her temper and makes a scene. Of course, this is only behind closed doors; in company, she chats and smiles with anyone. She manipulates everyone. Life with her is an emotional rollercoaster, an alternation of good and bad days, which can even boil down to good moments and bad days. She\u2019s always the victim; she\u2019s always the one who suffers the most. And she suffers because of everyone and everything, because everything has to be about her. If something doesn\u2019t go her way, she threatens the children, threatens suicide or a scandal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">If the man wants to leave<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He launches a smear campaign. He comes up with stories that will win over not only his immediate circle of acquaintances but also his wider circle. She makes a \u201escapegoat\u201d out of anyone she can. She uses and sacrifices her children, manipulates those around her, and has no qualms about lying in court, to child protection services or to the police. And because she is a woman and a brilliant actress and storyteller, everyone believes her when she says, \u201eI am the victim; the man is the abuser\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why is it particularly difficult to recognise?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. Society\u2019s blind spot<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We regard women as \u201eharmless\u201d. A woman is, at most, dramatic, emotional, difficult \u2013 but abusive? We find that hard to get our heads around\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Children\u2019s loyalty<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A child wants to love their mother. Even if she is destructive. The realisation \u2013 \u201emy mother is narcissistic\u201d \u2013 is the heaviest psychological burden of all. Many people deny it for decades before they are able to face up to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. The mother as the \u201esacred cow\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">According to society, mothers must not be criticised. If someone says, \u201eMy mother abused me\u201d, the response is often: \u201eBut she\u2019s your mother! I\u2019m sure she loved you as best she could.\u201d The child is left completely on their own, because people don\u2019t stop to think about what they went through over many years. How they lived their life under oppression, aggression and shame. They don\u2019t ask the child how they are, they don\u2019t ask what they\u2019ve been through. They just question the child and make excuses for the mother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-pullquote sb-pullquote\"><blockquote><p>That\u2019s not helping. That\u2019s silencing the victim.<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">If you had a narcissistic mother<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>It's not your fault.<\/strong> Whatever anyone told you, however much you felt that \u201eyou were the problem\u201d \u2013 you weren\u2019t.<\/li>\n<li><strong>It\u2019s okay to be angry.<\/strong> Even if she is your mother.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Please keep a safe distance.<\/strong> The bond with your mother does not oblige you to let it ruin your life.<\/li>\n<li><strong>It is right to mourn.<\/strong> The mother you needed, but never had.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In my next blog post, I\u2019ll be writing about this: how can you tell for sure if someone is a narcissist? What signs and patterns can help you recognise it? But, as you\u2019ve come to expect, I\u2019ll start with a story first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading sb-story-title\">Theo's story<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Theo was a very curious little boy. He touched everything, tried everything out, and asked questions about everything. His father was a middle manager at a company; he worked long hours because his mother looked after the household. His mother had high standards, so his father worked flat out to ensure there was enough money for everything: a cleaner, a gardener, fancy cars, a big house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Theo took up tennis and went on to achieve great success. His mum took him to training sessions and tournaments, as his dad was always at work. On the rare occasions when his father was free, it was a real treat. He loved spending time with his father because he could ask him questions; he wasn\u2019t always tense, and he wasn\u2019t constantly on the phone \u2013 the time they spent together was quality time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But he was also angry with his father. Because his mother kept drumming into him that his father was surely chasing after women, and that was why he didn\u2019t have time for him \u2013 because he didn\u2019t love his child. And Theo accepted this with sadness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Her parents used to argue a lot. She used to get very scared when that happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The day after such an argument, he fell very ill \u2013 even though he was no longer a child; he was over fourteen. Before that, his mother had also had a row with him because he hadn\u2019t done something she\u2019d expected him to do. In the end, his mother punished him by giving him the silent treatment. That was precisely what the argument between his parents was about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The next day, he was lying in the living room, feeling unwell, and had fallen asleep. That was when his father came home. He happily told him he was being promoted: much more money, much greater responsibility, but less work \u2013 so he\u2019d be able to spend more time with Theo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But the father\u2019s joy was short-lived. The parents had another row because his mother declared loudly that she hadn\u2019t even taken any medicine to Theo, as he \u201edidn\u2019t deserve it\u201d because of his behaviour. His father became very angry. They hurled accusations at each other. Theo didn\u2019t move; he just listened to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">His father finally called the doctor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The next day, he was still very ill. He begged to be allowed to lie down in the living room. He lay there with his eyes closed; he was very weak. His mother thought he was asleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then his mother rang someone on the phone. Theo heard her explaining how much she had to do because the child was ill and she couldn\u2019t count on her husband for anything. She told a story about the promotion \u2013 but not quite as it had happened. She made it sound as though his father was merely hoping for it, but that it would never happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then he rang someone else. He played the victim there too. About his father, Theo, and what had happened \u2013 nothing but lies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Theo was old enough to realise that this was definitely not right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When her father came home, she asked him to come into her room. And she asked him. She asked her father: \u2018So what\u2019s going on? Why are you spending so little time with her? How do you feel? What do you think? Why haven\u2019t you left her yet?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The answers put his mind at rest. He fell asleep. The next day, he was feeling much better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">His father was indeed promoted. He started driving him to training sessions. They always used to chat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A year later, they decided to move house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Theo is currently seeing a psychologist, studying for his A-levels, playing tennis and taking part in competitions. He only sees his mother at festive occasions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"sb-story-end wp-block-paragraph\"><em>He\u2019s getting better. And at last he can ask \u2013 without having to fear the answer.<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Because \u201eA mother can\u2019t be like that\u2026\u201d \u2014 This is the biggest obstacle to recognising a narcissistic woman: society refuses to believe she exists.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-49","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-narcizmus"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.8 (Yoast SEO v27.8) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>A n\u00e1rcisztikus n\u0151 \u2013 a tabu, amir\u0151l senki nem akar besz\u00e9lni | Serena Bright<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, 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